雅思写作上不了6分究竟是什么原因

　　很多考鸭在攻克了词汇、语法及审题的难关后，雅思写作的成绩还是卡在5-5.5的分数段，其实，大部分的原因是“Coherence and Cohesion”这个标准掌握欠佳。

　　我们花费了大量时间，去记忆 consequently、admittedly 这类的关联词，殊不知，这种做法是完全不符合评分准则的，还会被定义为过度使用衔接成分!

　　今天，我们就以剑9的一篇考官范文为例，来看看考官是如何吧“连贯和衔接”做的出神入化的，然后，赶紧照着模仿，去写自己的作文模板吧~

　　题目：Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required.

　　Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

　　以下为考官范文：

　　A problem of modern societies is the declining level of health in the general population, with conflicting views on how to tackle this worrying trend. One possible solution is to provide more sports facilities to encourage a more lifestyle.

　　通过代词 this 的使用，使得“现象”与大众对现象的看法产生了衔接，不留痕迹的做到了评分准则中的“uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention”。

　　通过 “one possible”，写出了后文还会提到的其他解决方案，从而体现了后文在分段和内容上与总观点的对应，即评分准则中的”skillfully manages paragraphing“

　　Advocates of this believe that today’s sedentary lifestyle and stressful working

　　conditions mean that physical activity is no longer part of either our work or our leisure time. If there were easy-to-reach local sports centres, we would be more

　　通过 this 的使用，把主体段与“首段”紧密联系起来。通过对关键词的修饰进一步论证了论点中，涉及的关键重心内容，体现了内容的深化，即增多“sports facilities”的第一个原因：需要让大众更方便做运动。

　　likely to make exercise a regular part of our lives, rather than just collapsing in front of a screen every evening. The variety of sports that could be offered would cater for all ages, levels of fitness and interests: those with painful memories of PE at school might be happier in the swimming pool than on the football pitch.

　　However, there may be better ways of tackling this problem. Interest in sport is

　　对内容进行深化，增多“sports facilities”的第二个原因：需要满足更多人的需求，两个原因之间并没有生硬的使用“Firstly, Secondly”。

　　通过代词”this ”的使用，使得此段观点与题目相联系(即在此段会写出“other possible ways”),并且与上一段形成并列关系。

　　not universal, and additional facilities might simply attract the already fit, not those who most need them. Physical activity could be encouraged relatively cheaply, for example by installing exercise equipment in parks, as my local council has done. This has the added benefit that parents and children often use them together just for fun, which develops a positive attitude to exercise at an early age.

　　This”代替前面的措施，前后句之间因此产生紧密联系。

　　“which”代替前面所描述的“增加equipment”的直接影响，使主句和从句，直接影响和间接影响产生联系。

　　As well as physical activity, high tax penalties could be imposed on high-fat food

　　products, tobacco and alcohol, as excessive consumption of any of these

　　(普通连接词“as”后接原因) (“these”代词的使用加强主从句之间的联系)

　　contributes to poor health. Even improving public transport would help: it takes longer to walk to the bus stop than to the car.

　　In my opinion, focusing on sports facilities is too narrow an approach and would not have the desired results. People should be encouraged not only to be more physically active but also to adopt a healthier lifestyle in general.

　　通过以上的分析，大家可以看出，其实考官是极少使用明显的生硬连接词的，通过紧扣论点的论据分类、代词的准确应用，以及论点与分论点的内容呼应，达到“不留痕迹，分段得体”的状态。

　　所以要做到“连贯与衔接”的完美展现，其实“代词”的灵活应用，内容的彼此联系才是真谛。

责任编辑：admin